To some a Dandelion is only a weed, but I have always thought them potent and lovely, so able to survive in even the toughest conditions. Beauty coupled with strength, is the most powerful combination. In that end for me the greatest love has never ever been about possession or control. Let me illustrate, I still love my mother despite all our difficulties even though her death makes me no longer able to talk to her. I love my child after I have lost primary custody; there isn’t a second I don’t think about her or worry about her. I love my ex-husband; divorce hasn’t taken away my missing him or hoping that he is doing well. I even love all my cats in other homes, the little kittens I rescued from near death that now have other owners. Or perhaps I never owned those cats, that was merely my time with them and it is over now. Like my time with my mother or anyone else.

     Perhaps the greatest commitment is the sacrifice of knowing when to let go back off, start over. I have had to let go of so much that, I at least hope I am a better person for it. So much change; the corporate telecom grind, the constant emails and fluorescent lights, the carpel tunnel syndrome from the keyboards and my aching back, the growing belly and fatigue from feeling you’ve never gotten enough sleep or you’ve never accomplished enough. I’m through keeping up with the Jones’s the only person I compete with now is me. I have my own set benchmarks, my own failings, and my own successes.

     And Scott where does he fit into all this? I loved him since I was 21 years old

and for a long while my goal was to possess him but once I gave up on that he was delivered to me by Ja himself. So now I know love is never about possession or control or status. It’s about acceptance, compassion, human dignity, time. For a long while I wanted another baby and now it is happening when I least expected it. For all my true former artistic co-workers and friends and not those that were mere creative parasites, copycats, posers or chameleons, but had much to contribute themselves and continue to contribute by their own standards, I would have this advice. You do not need hangers on, you can have 300 acquaintances and friends or 0 and that would not change who you are. Do not define yourself through the approval of others, you do not need to be someone else’s opus or treasure chest. You do not need your title bandied about like a designer brand name they picked up on sale. You are who you are, they merely reason simplistically that by being with you, that they can be you. Indeed because inside they are no one, completely lacking their own identity. If you hate being an object distance yourself from those that would treat you like one. It is not your job to make someone else feel young, popular and desirable; if a whole relationship is built on feeding the ego it has a pretty weak base. If they act like they are nothing without you, that is logically because they are nothing without you.

   True, separate the work from the person, but if both are equally bad is there any redeeming value in either? It’s called begging the question in any philosophical argument. Sometimes it has to be done. You don’t need the adoration and worship of your intellectual inferiors; you only need to believe in yourself. That is all.  


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